DVD: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

This is a review I have been really trying to avoid writing. I have nothing good to say at all, but if I don't tell you, who will?

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is a film with an unreasonably long title. Perhaps you've noticed that already. Anyway, moving on.

The movie stars Jason Statham, an actor with the worst agent in the world, unless of course any of his horrible movies make any money. Now, don't get me wrong, I actually do like him, and his career must be doing well considering his is making a Transporter 3 and Crank 2. Seriously though, are these movies better than Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch? No.

I could go on and on about him, but unfortunately I can't in this blog because so many people were screwed by this film.

So, who else was in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale? Buckle your seat belts:

*Leelee Sobieski- Apparently, trying to come off of that career-high role in Wicker Man.
*John Rhys-Davies- I enjoy him. He was in the Lord of the Rings films, and one of my favorite cheesy sci-fi shows, Sliders. You also may have seen him in every made for TV movie ever made. He also does lots of voice over work for toons and games.
*Ron Perlman- He is other guy that does lots and lots of voice overs. He is mostly known as Hellboy though.
*Matthew Lillard- I don't expect much from him, because he must have the same agent as Statham. He went from Hackers and Scream to Scooby Doo and Without a Paddle.
*Burt Reynolds- I can't say anything directly bad about him. He was born in 1936, been acting since 1959, and still looks like a million bucks.

and the final person worth pointing out is.....

*Ray Liotta- He was in Goodfellas and also Wild Hogs. You be the judge.

Now, you may be saying to your computer screen, "Hey Mr. "I'll Try That!" Blogger, I think that cast sounds great! Why are you bashing them?"
Well, this movie was terrible, but not necessarily at the fault of the actors.

The first thing I will point out, is the horrific musical score. Imagine watching an action movie to a kid's movie soundtrack, and you'll get it. The dialogue was unreal. Not WOW!, more like OW! There is a part where two characters fall from a rope 100 feet into a shallow river, and their lines were: "WwwwwwHhhhOooAaa!" Ugh. The only thing that tops that line, is all of Ray Liotta's. The directing and editing are epic... epic failures.

~~I just want to note that I usually would edit the links so they would open in a new window, however the amount of links in this entry is more than usual, so you're all going to have to either right click to open in a new window, or navigate back and forth. Sorry!~~

(This is the top left picture in "Guess What I Tried!"2)

Pros:
The best thing about this DVD is..... *just picture me spitting on the screen here*

Cons:
It's my vote for the worst movie ever made.
Bad Dialogue.
Bad musical score.
Bad Editing.
BAD BAD BAD!!!

Verdict:
If I ever heard somewhere down the line that they made this movie on a dare, or everyone involved was caught at some big Hollywood coke party and this screenplay was written by the judge that ruled on the cases; letting them go if they agreed to make it... I would totally believe it. The only reason I would tell someone to watch this movie is if they honestly don't believe how bad it is. Just having to think about the movie while writing this has made me feel a little sick.

Hygiene: Right Guard Xtreme: Arctic Refresh

I will spare the details of my experiences that led me to this product because no one wants to hear about sweat and armpits.

I will simply say this:

I have been a canned, spray deodorant/antiperspirant user for many years. The problem I have had is that each brand I have used has discontinued production. I blame this solely on the "body spray" industry, which is only covering up the smell off sweaty men everywhere so they can also sell antiperspirant stick/roll-on. It's the biggest con ever, and there are also people putting cologne on over these other two scents.

It's so backwards and wasteful it makes me sick.

Anyway, the most effective antiperspirant I have ever used was the cans of Right Guard Xtreme Cool Spray. This is the stick version, and it works great.

(This is the bottom left picture in "Guess What I Tried!"2)

Pros:
It works. That's all it should do.

Cons:
I have to rub it in my armpits. Please bring back the Cool Spray.

Verdict:
Any man looking for a new deoderant should consider this first. The scent I have chosen is easily the most mild out of all the scents, of all the brands, in the store.

Soft Drink: Vitamin Water vital-t

Today's product is a pretty easy one to review.

Glaceau makes a great product called Vitamin Water. If you haven't seen, heard of, or tried it before, you really should get out more. It has inspired commercials like:
50 cent Conducts the National Symphony
David Ortiz and Brian Urlacher Play Badminton
Shaquille O'Neal Becomes a Jockey
Kelly Clarkson Charms a Snake
Kasey Kahne Herds Yaks
Lebron James Becomes a Lawyer
and
Tracy McGrady is a Sheep Tosser

Brilliant advertising.

Anyhow, this one is lemon tea flavored, and though I expected it to taste like watered down iced tea, it's actually a very well balanced tea-to-water flavor ratio.

Here's a wacky talking Vitamin Water viral thingy. I tried to make one to post on this blog, but it was loading really funky so I didn't leave it up.

(This is the top right picture in "Guess What I Tried!"2)

Pros:
Another great flavor to add to the list.
The story on the bottle is entertaining. (It mentions a certain TV show that featured four elderly women.)

Cons:
As with all Vitamin Waters, you will notice that the nutrition facts are equal, if not worse than a regular (non-diet) can of soda pop. It's actually very misleading, since there is so much information on the bottle of why it's "good" for you.

Verdict:
Vitamin Water, of any flavor, always gets my seal of approval and this one is no different. It's actually a great 'gateway drink' to lure an avid Snapple drinker over to the dark side.

"Guess what I tried!" 2

"Guess What I Tried!"

Take a look at these cleverly cropped images of some of the things I will be reviewing soon, and see if you can guess what they are! Try to be as specific as possible. I will note them in their review as being part of the game, so guess as many times as you like. And, keep an eye out at the store to see if you can spot them!

Remember, I'll try anything. Have fun!

Snack: Osem Bissli Smokey Flavor

Yuck! Well, not entirely, but pretty close...

This product from Osem, is not something you are going to find in a convenience store or gas station mart. It's apparently a traditional wheat snack in Israel. Check out the Bissli page.

I should have known when it said "Smokey Flavor". It walks a thin line between completely disgusting and almost bearable.

It's just gross. I can't even get the taste out of my mouth. They managed to take a hard wheat tube and make it taste like smoke. Eww.

(This is the bottom right picture in "Guess What I Tried!"1)

Pros:
Um... it's Kosher.

Cons:
It's hard, tastes like smoke, and and smells like pork rinds (which is ironic).
I am probably going to have nightmares about eating this.

Verdict:
If you go to Israel, bring snacks with you... If you are celebrating passover, just snack on Matzo Crackers.

Candy: Herbert's Fully Loaded Blueberry Bites

Herbert's Candies is the self proclaimed maker of 'New England's Finest Chocolates'. We'll see about that.

The Fully Loaded aspect of this candy has to do with the combination of fine chocolate and a filling, in this case fruit, but they also have nuts and creams. I had my choice at the store and figured that I rarely eat any chocolate and blueberry mixtures so this would be the one to try.

The packaging is tantalizing and sexy. You almost feel ashamed to buy it, like its a naughty product from the adult room of the video store. YES, its THAT sexy.

I might be exaggerating a bit, but I will say that I had no idea what to expect when opening the thing up. Turns out they are in the range of, bite-size peanut butter cups, cherry cordials, and the chocolates that are in those romantic heart-shaped(and non heart-shaped) boxes. It was wrapped in purple foil with "Fully Loaded" patterned all over it, while unwrapping it reveals the flower design on the top of the chocolate. Strange, but I guess it's a trademark or something like that.

Now, the fun part: Tasting. The chocolate itself is rich, and a nice bittersweet for dark chocolate. The filling is fruity as promised, but also a sweet counter to the bitterness of the chocolate. The blueberry flavor is mouthwatering, but mild and quickly overpowered.

Good stuff, very gourmet tasting.

(This is the top right picture in "Guess What I Tried!"1)

Pros:
Nice package quantity.
Very inviting packaging.
High quality candy and flavor.

Cons:
I expected an entire blueberry to be inside based on the package.
I also had no idea what I was buying. (candy shape and size)
Intense sweetness, you really can only eat one or two without going into sugar shock.

Verdict:
A nice treat, or gift. It's not an everyday candy, but this is definitely something to keep in a bowl on your coffee table or on your desk at work. This candy could become your trademark. It's very, very good.

Candy: Bartons Monopoly Creamy Milk Chocolate

This is just a quick review of an impulse buy at the checkout line.

Bartons Candy doesn't ring any bells for me, so I don't believe I have ever had any of their products before. I am also not one to snack on a simple chocolate bar, but I have to admit that the main reason for buying this was the Monopoly tie-in.

Win $5000 instantly? Sure!

So, long story short, I didn't win anything.

(This is the top left picture in "Guess What I Tried!"1)

Pros:
Decent Chocolate.
Chance to win prizes.

Cons:
Nothing memorable about the product at all.

Verdict:
Buy it to try to win something, not for the chocolate.

Soft Drink: Snapple Noni Berry Juice Drink

Snapple is making more and more interesting drinks lately, everything from waters to teas and juice drinks. In fact, Snapple may one day have it's own aisle in the supermarket.

I have never met, or drank, Snapple I didn't like, and I generally will try anything once. So, seeing the Noni Berry flavor instantly had me wondering what it was going to be comparable to, if anything at all.

Apparently, Noni is some sort of Polynesian fruit, this is according to the bottle.

The juice was pretty good, not overpowering and actually quite mild. It's up there with Kiwi Strawberry in the flavor range but there is obvious differences, such as a lack of kiwi.

(This is the bottom left picture in "Guess What I Tried"1)

Pros:
Amazingly the bottle is only about 20 calories. Much lower than other drinks like this.
Mild flavor makes it easy to drink with most meals of snacks.
It's allegedly good for you metabolism too.

Cons:
It's kinda blah.
It's a tad expensive.

Verdict:
Unfortunately, I won't be stocking my fridge with Noni Berry Juice anytime soon. It was okay, but not outstanding. It's good to try, its considerably better for you than most drinks that are not plain water, and it's a unique flavor but I will only buy this on the rare occasion I can't find something better.

"Guess What I Tried!" 1

I am pleased to announce the "I'll try that!" game called,

"Guess What I Tried!"

Take a look at these cleverly cropped images of some of the things I will be reviewing soon, and see if you can guess what they are! Try to be as specific as possible. I will note them in their review as being part of the game, so guess as many times as you like. And, keep an eye out at the store to see if you can spot them!

Remember, I'll try anything. Have fun!

Candy: Wonka Giant Chewy Nerds

The wacky world of Wonka is responsible for so many innovative candy treats, one has to wonder where they come up with all of the ideas. Some of the my favorites: Bottle Caps, Laffy Taffy, and Pixy Stix.

Then a few years ago they decided to start making every "hard" candy they make, have a "chewy" counterpart. Bravo. Some examples: Chewy Runts, Chewy Gobstoppers, and Chewy SweeTARTS.

But by far, the most recognizable, never duplicated, candy to come from the famous factory is Nerds. They have come in many flavors over the years, even sour. Then, they managed to come on a rope. However, nothing will top the day I came across Giant Chewy Nerds!

The science behind them is a mystery, but to an ordinary man they can best be described as a jellybean enclosed in a nerd-like shell. The flavors are pretty basic with strawberry, lemon, grape, orange, and watermelon.

I can confidently say that this is the most unique candy I have had in a long while. The "crunchiness" and tartness of a handful of nerds with the chewy texture of a jellybean. A match made in heaven.

Pros:
It's like a new invention, even thought its just a marriage of two others.
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy.

Cons:
Could have used some more risky flavors.
Probably could have packed more in a bag.

Verdict:
Buy them. If you like Nerds and/or jellybeans (and not jellybelly gourmet jellybeans, I'm talking about real Easter basket beans), the Giant Chewy Nerds are what your life has been leading up to. I bought 2 bags to try, and I have already been back to the store for more. Wonka, you have done it again.